He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just shotgunned beers for America
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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