Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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