I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
