i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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