how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
