Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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