well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
