yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
