You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize