It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
