U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
