thus making me awesome and them whores
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
