I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
