You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
