Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize