i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize