Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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