I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
