just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
