so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
