I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
