he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
