i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We are all done wearing pants today
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
