Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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