I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
handjob tips. give me some.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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