how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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