Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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