it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
