Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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