Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
