First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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