Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
