You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
