I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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