Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found puke in my bra..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Come share oat with me in your robe
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
