just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize