Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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