just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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