Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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