She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who died my cat blue again?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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