i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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