I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
