I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
