"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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