just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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