my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this boner is exhausting
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
