There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
