He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
