He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
