how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
