I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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