At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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