I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
