Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
