my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
