Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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