He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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