I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
