I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
