you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
