apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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