4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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