Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
