okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have aggressive nipples.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize