Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize