You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
