Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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